(Written on March 14, saved as draft and added more stuff before publishing)
Thank you for appearing in my dreams the past two days.
I think it was really you who came to my dream, since you were back in heaven two days ago, before I even knew that you were gone.
Anyway, we were all having reunion dinner and you appeared happy and healthy. I really do hope that it was you, telling me that you are happier now.
Life has been hard for you, being a foster child who grew up doing housework and surrounded by some evil step-siblings (*deleted something here unwillingly).
Happiness is probably when you get showered with the love from your filial daughters. Ok, and son too (*deleted something here unwillingly).
I find it really unfair that you have to be in pain even before you return to heaven.
I really do hope that our love and warmth did lessen your sufferings.
You are really the best grandma, or rather, best grandparent amongst those that I have/had. I will miss all the beautiful memories that you have given me and your kind soul has indeed touched my heart.
I will miss your popiah, your mee suah, your creative "pasta" and "sushi", your usual fried noodles, your super spicy chilli, the mee pok in your special sauce - you used to make for me for my breakfast when we stayed over because mummy was stressed taking care of my two younger sisters who were very young then, your "gok zai" (Peanut puff)
, and so so so many other yummy things.
The cute thing is that you will always prepare them via estimation, even cakes!
Whenever it was done superbly well, mummy always joked that I have to remember that taste because it will never be the same the next time round when you prepare it again.
I also miss all your actions like how you like to wash the vegetables and soak it for quite awhile because you claimed that it is very dirty (in which will affect the nutrien
ts content by soaking for too long but I know you like things your way), how you kept saying that you prefer home-cooked because food consumed outside = dirty, how you need to boil water to make the ice instead of just refilling it from the tap, how you always have your radio with you, how you prepare tea for me, how you refused to use the expensive foot massager and body massager that your daughters bought for you saying that it is uncomfortable (?!?), how you insisted on buying this magazine because I was inside, your generosity like giving us money for lanterns, sweets, your cute laughters, etcetc.
There is so so many other things and I will always remember them.
I also remember this song that you always sing whenever you prepare this dessert called "Mee Teh" when I was young.
"Mee teh suo suo jiak liao tio beh pio" (Hokkien)
This has always pop up in my head once in a while.
Till now, I can't remember if I had actually ate that before but I remember it smelling so damn good and that you promised to prepare for me some other time when I can get to eat.
(I was very weak when I was younger, heaty or cold food = asthmatic cough for me.)
You gave me so many memories. What I regret is not visiting you as frequent compared to when I was younger - all the other commitments in which I now feel is redundant.
Thank god I get to visit you again right before I leave SG for Melb on Feb 26, when I gave you a last hug and kiss.
I was actually feeling very vexed, knowing that it will be the last time. It is part of the reason why I burst into tears later in the evening before leaving for the airport.
I know that you are in a better place now. Tomorrow, March 16, you will be cremated and I'm sorry I couldnt see you off. I hoped that you can receive my prayers.
I will always miss you and you will always always always hold an important place in my heart.
I love you. Very very much.
(Okay above photo was my cousin's wedding - SUPER EARLY + SLEPT LATE so I looked damn damn tired here but who cares.)